Category Archives: Anxiety

Finally Some Good News and the Best News EVER!!

So where do I start these last few days have been emotional, amazing, confusing and basically a haze!!

So to start we had a NG tube put in so that Leya could have top up feeds and put weight on. So she is now on only high energy milk taking 120ml 5 times a day which is amazing and shows as she has put weight on and now weighs 11.5lbs!! This meant we needed to go shopping so our 16week old baby is finally out of tiny baby and newborn and into up to 1 month as 0-3 months is still far to big!!

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Daddy also came back to give me a break as I was physically and emotional shattered and Leya was so happy to see him, all smiles, giggles and snuggles!! And we also managed to get out of the ward when she was cleared of whooping cough but didn’t get far before she threw up all in her new pram yuck!!

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This is where you have to listen carefully!! So if you follow Leya’s facebook page you know that she had a mini operation on Monday. For those of you who don’t know this was to remove a Granuloma and to check there wasn’t anymore! Well Leya was first on the list so she was fasted from 7.15am but didn’t actually go in till 4.30pm so was starving. She finally went in and came back out!! She didn’t come round very well, she was really unsettled which was unusually as this hadn’t happened the last 2 times.

We got back to the ward and she was really pale and clammy all night and her oxygen was rather low so she was on oxygen all night but seemed to pick up on Tuesday.

But the operation went well. She had a Granuloma just inside her throat which was removed and one just at the top of her stoma also removed!! They checked her food pipe to make sure that was ok and all was good then came the news that hit me and Dan like a tonne of bricks!!

HER VOCAL CORDS WERE MOVING!!! Cue the tears 😂 We couldn’t believe it in 1 month they had started to work and she can have the Trache taken out!! OMFG was this really happening. I was apprehensive and wanted them to wait a little longer to make sure all was ok but they put in a size smaller but unfortunately she couldn’t breathe with that one capped. Because Leya is small she needs a small Trache to let enough air pass for her to breathe if they cover it over. So the plan now is to let her grow for a while and then try again until enough air can pass and she is able to breathe on her own!!

But she wont have the Trache for life and for not much longer hopefully. My amazing trooper has managed to heal, grow and strengthen in 1 month and she will be having the Trache out as soon as she is big enough!!

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So with that exciting news she then decided it was time to start to try and roll over but hasn’t yet got the hang of it yet!!

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So keep an eye out for the next blog to see how Leya is doing and where we are in her journey that has a little longer to go!!

Love Dan, Casey and Leya xx

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Anxiety, Depression and Opening Up

So to start with I want to say this post is really deep (sorry guys) but I feel that I can share with you guys how Im feeling as part of what i have learnt is to share how you are feeling can help!!And tbh its easier to write it down rather than actually speak to people.

First off I want to praise all the nurses at Derriford hospital and how they have supported myself and my family throughout both our visits!! Im really glad of the support from the nurses these last few days!! I have really been struggling for a couple of days with the not knowing and the lack of control I have.

Some of you may know that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I have suffered from both of these from quite a young age. I have had counciling many times but until I was ready it never worked. But when I was ready I learnt that a good way to keep myself from having a downward spiral was to open up by either talking to someone or writing it down!! So here I am choosing that at this moment it is easier to write it down.

The way I manage my anxiety and depression is to have control, be organised and to be with familiar people. So as you can imagine atm none of these are within my grasp. But the nurses at Derriford have been amazing at reassuring me regard how im doing but also how Leya is doing. Being isolated due to waiting on the whooping cough results has also be a major factor to me struggling as I feel that doctors arent taking me seriously and my paranoia makes me doubt if they think I am making this up or worse than it actually is!!

So today we had Leya’s heart scan which came back normal!! MASSIVE sigh or relief. But on the flip side to this it means that we are no closer to find out what is wrong with her. But her smile is what is keeping me sane atm!!

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So with this result we are still in the dark with what is causing these episodes. This is what I am struggling with, I know that we needed to have the tracheostomy because of the VCP but we were told that this would stop these episodes so for them to have carried on I kind of feel responsible. As many of you parents out there if your child has ever been ill you will know that you would give anything to swap places with them and that couldn’t be more true at this present moment.

So the last few days I have been feeling really down, useless and just generally crap!! I have been told Im allowed off days as what Im going through is a lot but they way my mind works is that Dan and our families are going through it too and they are coping so this is turn makes me feel worse. Its a viscous cycle my emotions but I am trying to grab them and keep hold of them very tightly as to gain control of them. Its a much of me feeling useless as frustrated!! I just feel that my head can not take any more bashing against this rather large brick wall!!

On a happier note we have got Leya’s humidifier for home and we have the funding for this one and a spare just in case!! And its rather fancy and we have seen an improvement with Leya’s dryness which is a improvement for her as it means less suctioning and less nebulisers.

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She has also put weight on so she has gained what she lost and put more on but she had been on IV fluids so we are expecting some of that to come off and the dietician will be extra happy with her if she keeps going like this!! She now weighs 11.7lbs!!

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So to finish this blog I just want to say that I have written this as much to help me get things of my chest but to also show others that you can talk about mental health as there is still a big dark cloud about it!! It is not a weakness, it can not be helped, it doesn’t control you or make you any different from anyone else and it has taken me a while to understand this. So for anyone who reads this with the same problem keep your head high when your feeling down as your just as normal (whatever that is) as everyone else!!

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/Leyasjourney

Email: leyasjourney@hotmail.com

Lots of Love

Casey xx

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